Special Needs as a Second Language by Lori Miller Fox

One of the most difficult things about having a child with special needs can be feeling like no one understands what you’re going through. Friends, even family, can appear to be totally “oblivious” to your family’s challenges, as well as their achievements. I sheepishly admit, I used to get impatient, frustrated, even angry with those from the “outside world,” until I realized, it’s not that they don’t care, are disinterested, or unfeeling, we just don’t speak the same language.  So to correct this growing problem that is spreading across our nation at lightning speed, and to open the lines of communication between neighbors and friends, even school personnel and parents, I’m compiling a glossary of special needs terms and their common definitions.  Here is just a sampling. Please, talk amongst yourselves and feel free to add your own to the growing glossary.

Go check on him, he’s too quiet – means go in and make sure he’s still breathing.

We’re deciding where to go on vacation – means we’re researching the cities that have the best children’s hospitals.

You’ve really grown, we need to get you something new to wear – means we need to make a trip to the orthotist.

I’m good thanks – means I got more than three hours of sleep last night.

I’m an animal lover – means I can no longer stand the sight of people.

Yes, we are looking forward to graduation – means I’m going to be at home with my grown child and eat pizza every day for the rest of my life until one day they’ll find me buried under a mountain of stale pepperoni and greasy, tomato-stained cardboard boxes.

He had a good day – means he stayed awake in school and didn’t hit anybody.

We’re filling out applications for after graduation – means Medicaid and Dial-a-ride.

I have to go to the grocery store – means we’re out of applesauce and pudding.

I need to straighten up – means a therapist is coming.

I’m at the end of my rope – means she just threw up and I’m out of coffee and the washing machine’s broken.

I’m very particular about who I hire as a babysitter – means can she lift?

I’m a terrible parent – means my child has a disability.

I have a school meeting – means don’t call me, or email me, or ring my bell for at least three days while I climb into my very deep hole and comfort myself with chocolate.

I’m so tired of this cold weather – means his muscles are extremely tight and I can’t pull his arms through the sleeves of his winter one more day.

I love you and I don’t know what I’d ever do without you – means if you die before I do, and leave me to make all the decisions alone, I’ll NEVER forgive you – so watch your cholesterol Buddy, or I’ll watch it for you!

He is a picky little eater – means he’ll only eat foods he won’t choke on.

I’m coping – means I have two bags of Hershey’s Kisses in the cabinet and a cheesecake in the freezer.

I regretfully decline the kind invitation to your Tupperware Party – means if you think I have the time or even the desire to seriously think about food storage, you must be living in some alternate universe called  “Oblivious.”

I’m watching my weight – means watching it go up and up and up.

You must be a new Medical Resident – means his name’s not Buddy, and I’m not your Mom and he’s not your Dad  ***hole.

Excuse me, do I know you? – means get your hands off my kid!

I’m behind schedule – means I haven’t given her her meds yet.

We’re eating healthier now – means we’ve switched to dark chocolate.

IEP -- means I Experience Pain.

I’m writing a blog piece – means somebody really pissed me off!

 

 

 

 

 

Comments

[Sandy Alperstein]

Thanks, Lori - your writing always hits the spot!

[Daunna Minnich]

Lori, my character is warped. I can't help but wish people would piss you off more often – your pain is blog readers' gain! Thanks once again for the levity.

[Agnes]

Lori,I feel like I read story about me and my son.Exactly in one week I have IEP meeting and I feel like you described-I EXPERIENCE PAIN.I'll will add a few words- about seizures...bad dream or real shake.My almost 9 year son went through that bad experience year ago.Thank you- Agnes

[Joeymom]

*screams of laughter while tears roll down my face* Why?

Because I have a bag of Hershey's kisses next to the bed and a cheesecake in the freezer!!!!

[Cindy Shortt]

Thank you for your humorous insights.