Special Education Law Blog

Communication None-0-1 by Lori Miller Fox

When I was in school, I don’t remember parents and teachers talking very much at all, maybe because it took close to five minutes to dial a seven-digit number on a rotary phone. So communication was pretty minimal: a nod at Open House, a note on the bottom of a report card, an awkward handshake at a Parent-Teacher conference. 

When my son was in grade school, the spiral notebook was the way to “stay informed.” Tucked neatly in his Nike backpack, it carried notes from home to school and  home again. Straight-forward, reliable, easy-to-use, the only complications with this method was legibility, fraying of pages and oh yeah, getting the teacher to read it.

In this day and age with the advent of cell phones, text messaging and instant emails, you’d think communication between parents and schools would be so clear that there’d be nothing left to discuss at an IEP meeting. So why is it that we still don’t understand each other? Here are some possible examples (all fiction, of course).

In a Land Called (Im)Perfect by Lori Miller Fox

Now that the holiday season is over, we can all breathe a sigh of relief. Gone (until next year anyway) are the reams of circulars picturing perfect families bonding over perfect games. Off-air are the educational,ly-based, imagination-stimulating, motor-challenging, award-winning toys for award-winning children.   Absent at last are the “Joyful Joneses,” the “Smiley Smiths,” and the “Functional Friedmans.”

I know my child is not the “advertisers’ ideal” and my family is not the “manufacturers’ market,” but  I still ask myself “why should that be the case?” Maybe if we all close our eyes tightly, click our heels three times, and really,  really,  really believe, we can create a world, if only for a minute, where everything is imperfect. In my imperfect toyworld:

How to Cook a Turkey or Baste makes Waste by Lori Miller Fox

As a parent of a child with special needs, I am all too aware of differences.  Because of this, I get especially tired of being asked to keep up with other people’s expectations. Finding the time or the patience to entertain for Thanksgiving, for example is one luxury,  I can’t always afford. However, there are many who choose to spend their time in just this way -- and I applaud them for it.  So what I say, is spend the holidays, heck spend every day, in a way that is right for you and your family. If you want to entertain, do so -- your way. My way is, whether you go out, cook or carry in, always bring laughter to the table.

I Did Not Learn All I Really Need to Know in Kindergarten by Lori Miller Fox

You’ll have to excuse me for not having written a timely humorous piece on Halloween, which is in fact half-written and saved on my computer for next year’s October deadline. Instead, after having spent two long days in the hospital with our son last week, I can’t seem to let go of how unprepared parents can be for the “unexpected complications” that arise when raising a child with special needs. In thinking about this, I realized that contrary to popular belief, I did not learn all I really need to know in kindergarten.

Mama Never Said There’d Be Days Like This by Lori Miller Fox

Over the years I’ve gotten so tired of people pitying my son. I’ve heard so much useless and unsolicited advice like “ just enjoy him,” “leave the poor baby alone,” and my personal favorite “G-d doesn’t give you more than you can handle.” I think G-d gives you whatever He or She sees fit and how you handle it is up to you.

That aside, my son is on the whole, just like any other teenager, only because he’s less verbal, without the back talk. So I’ve found that at times, raising a child with special needs requires discipline -- albeit of a little different nature than that required for most typical kids. Here are just a few of the things I, although sometimes regrettably, have said or have thought about saying to my son in the heat of the moment. Maybe some will work for you.

Extended Comment on the "50 Ways" Blog Post

The following is a blog post commenting on her response to the "50 Ways" Post of last week:

"Go and read this. I want to kiss the writer of this article on the mouth. With tongue. I didn't even look before putting this up to see if it was written by a man or a woman--my love knows no gender boundaries when it comes to contemplating the 2007/2008 academic year."

It is always wonderful when people connect with the posts on an emotional level.

There Must Be Fifty Ways to Leave Your District by Lori Miller Fox

Now that our son has graduated from Junior High, we can finally say farewell to the sometimes problematic school district that has educated him for the past twelve-plus years and begin anew with High School. And while there were several wonderful one-to-ones, PHIs, more than a few teachers, and even a very fair-minded Special Education Director, who provided real leadership and caring, now that we’re finally finished there have been times that I felt like “I wish we could’ve left sooner.” I dedicate this post to all of the struggling families out there still stuck in unhealthy district relationships and offer some creative ways to make a clean break.

How to Make Your IEP Easier to Swallow by Lori Miller Fox

There is definitely a season for IEPs. A time of year when stress is in the air, and feelings of panic and antagonism abound. Parents scurry busily about, preparing for the big day circled on their calendars. And let's not forget, that list of school people who are naughty and nice. 

And like so many other longstanding, if you can remain standing, traditions; year after year you reunite with many of the same familiar faces, catching up on the events of the year.  Some will even tell you how adorable your child is, and how much he or she has grown. There are a lot of people sitting around a large table who would rather not be there, initially forcing themselves to exchange “pleasantries” until someone says something totally ignorant or offensive and the shouting begins. Just like any other typical American holiday dinner; only here we're not all related by blood or marriage.

So I’d like to propose a new Hallmark holiday for the IEP season. The biggest problem, as I see it though, is that unfortunately, there is no cook book for this time of year. If only Julia Child were here.  Lucky for us though, her lesser-known fictional sister, Julia Specialneedschild offers a long list of IEP “party” recipes.  Here are just a few of my favorites.

'OM' My, It’s IEP Season by Lori Miller Fox

If life’s a journey, then the school years are the longest collection of toll roads. And as our day to ante up gets closer, I decided to take a calmer, gentler, more centered approach toward our child’s IEP and use meditation techniques and a zen state of mind to help get through it harmoniously. Here are just a few of my affirmations.

It's a Jungle Out There by Lori Miller Fox

As many of you know, it can be a constant struggle getting some school people to understand that children with disabilities are not always “acting a certain way” by choice. For example my son has been having difficulty staying awake throughout the school day.  Recently, I had a teacher ask me if he should be consequenced for this “behavior”.  Shocked by her ignorance, I felt like saying, “not only should he be reprimanded for falling asleep, but also for daring to cough, sneeze or breath too loudly.  And most certainly, when we uncover the medical reason for his passing out, you can be certain, we will see to it that he is severly punished.”

I’ll never understand why some school people blame things they can not control on a child’s behavior. So I started thinking about creatures in the animal kingdom and why they do what they do. What if scientists blamed everything that animals did instinctually, on behavior.  Here are just a few of the conclusions they might come up with.