Special Needs as a Second Language by Lori Miller Fox

One of the most difficult things about having a child with special needs can be feeling like no one understands what you’re going through. Friends, even family, can appear to be totally “oblivious” to your family’s challenges, as well as their achievements. I sheepishly admit, I used to get impatient, frustrated, even angry with those from the “outside world,” until I realized, it’s not that they don’t care, are disinterested, or unfeeling, we just don’t speak the same language.  So to correct this growing problem that is spreading across our nation at lightning speed, and to open the lines of communication between neighbors and friends, even school personnel and parents, I’m compiling a glossary of special needs terms and their common definitions.  Here is just a sampling. Please, talk amongst yourselves and feel free to add your own to the growing glossary.

Go check on him, he’s too quiet – means go in and make sure he’s still breathing.

We’re deciding where to go on vacation – means we’re researching the cities that have the best children’s hospitals.

You’ve really grown, we need to get you something new to wear – means we need to make a trip to the orthotist.

I’m good thanks – means I got more than three hours of sleep last night.

I’m an animal lover – means I can no longer stand the sight of people.

Yes, we are looking forward to graduation – means I’m going to be at home with my grown child and eat pizza every day for the rest of my life until one day they’ll find me buried under a mountain of stale pepperoni and greasy, tomato-stained cardboard boxes.

He had a good day – means he stayed awake in school and didn’t hit anybody.

We’re filling out applications for after graduation – means Medicaid and Dial-a-ride.

I have to go to the grocery store – means we’re out of applesauce and pudding.

I need to straighten up – means a therapist is coming.

I’m at the end of my rope – means she just threw up and I’m out of coffee and the washing machine’s broken.

I’m very particular about who I hire as a babysitter – means can she lift?

I’m a terrible parent – means my child has a disability.

I have a school meeting – means don’t call me, or email me, or ring my bell for at least three days while I climb into my very deep hole and comfort myself with chocolate.

I’m so tired of this cold weather – means his muscles are extremely tight and I can’t pull his arms through the sleeves of his winter one more day.

I love you and I don’t know what I’d ever do without you – means if you die before I do, and leave me to make all the decisions alone, I’ll NEVER forgive you – so watch your cholesterol Buddy, or I’ll watch it for you!

He is a picky little eater – means he’ll only eat foods he won’t choke on.

I’m coping – means I have two bags of Hershey’s Kisses in the cabinet and a cheesecake in the freezer.

I regretfully decline the kind invitation to your Tupperware Party – means if you think I have the time or even the desire to seriously think about food storage, you must be living in some alternate universe called  “Oblivious.”

I’m watching my weight – means watching it go up and up and up.

You must be a new Medical Resident – means his name’s not Buddy, and I’m not your Mom and he’s not your Dad  ***hole.

Excuse me, do I know you? – means get your hands off my kid!

I’m behind schedule – means I haven’t given her her meds yet.

We’re eating healthier now – means we’ve switched to dark chocolate.

IEP -- means I Experience Pain.

I’m writing a blog piece – means somebody really pissed me off!

 

 

 

 

 

Comments

[Sandy Alperstein]

Thanks, Lori - your writing always hits the spot!

[Daunna Minnich]

Lori, my character is warped. I can't help but wish people would piss you off more often – your pain is blog readers' gain! Thanks once again for the levity.

[Agnes]

Lori,I feel like I read story about me and my son.Exactly in one week I have IEP meeting and I feel like you described-I EXPERIENCE PAIN.I'll will add a few words- about seizures...bad dream or real shake.My almost 9 year son went through that bad experience year ago.Thank you- Agnes

[Joeymom]

*screams of laughter while tears roll down my face* Why?

Because I have a bag of Hershey's kisses next to the bed and a cheesecake in the freezer!!!!

[Cindy Shortt]

Thank you for your humorous insights.

[Maryjane]

Lori,

Thanks for the entertainment. So true, it doesn't matter who we are, we can stumble into some deep water when we just skirt the issues.

[Martha Chatel]

My sister got me here, and I love it, it made me cry and laugh at the same time, because it is soooo true! I'm glad SOMEBODY out there understands! I'm just sorry you have to have a hanciapped, oops I mean "special needs" , child to understand! :-)

[Angela Jones]

Hi Lori
I think every teacher, exceptional education and regular, should receive a copy of your translation of a parent with a child with disabilities. We are so quick to judge but do not know and understand what it takes emotionally and physically to care for children with disabilities.

[Julie]

Hi Lori,
I really enjoyed reading your post! It was very cool how you used analogies to describe certain instances. I also feel your blogging really supports the readers who may have the same feelings as you!

[JenniferAnne]

I just wanted to comment and say...wow someone on my side..and it should not be a "side" issue but it seems that the world is just divided over those that get it and those that don't concerning those with special needs. It sometimes seems like they have a lack of compassion, intellengence, or basic human understanding. I am blessed with 3 typical (and I should use that word losely;) ) children and I always view nmy students as if they were nmy own, I wish other teachers could keep in mind that those children with special needs ARE in fact someone's child, someone's future, someone's pride and joy, regardless of there limitations.

[Liz98]

It is a challenge trying to exist in both worlds. Thanking for helping to bridge the gap.

[ian]

Hi there, I was just passing by and i got this story nice, I enjoyed reading it.

[amy]

Thank you for this post. I was head-nodding, belly-laughing, deep-sighing, and high-fiving all over the place.

This is such refreshing writing and it pulls me out of my own hole and remember how important humor is, in almost any situation. Addtionally, with many of the meanings leading places other than 'funny', they make me see the truth in these moments with such clarity. I love that PC statements can be so far from what's really going on inside - how simple responses are actually so loaded yet some people are way too clueless to realize that. in a way, I wish we could all take our filters off and just 'be' whenever and however we need to be.

[amy]

Tried to post a comment but looks like it didn't go through. Just wanted to say that this post is absolutely brilliant on so many levels. It has made me experience a range of emotions and it reminds me to see the world through the parent's eyes more often. Thank you for this.

[terry]

What can you do if your school is forcing your child to work for free as part of coop. This is the only student to be working for free? They have violated her IEP. We filed for due process in 2007, that issue is still in federal court today. Yet they continue to do as they please. They retained 2 law firms. US DOE told them 8 months ago to remove private information from the web. They refuse. 7 years ago they were in gross violation of the ADA laws. The AG of our state made a ruling they were illegally retaliating against our child and family. Quote from Attorney General This continunig harassmnet must cease immediatley. This harassmnet is retalitory and
illegal.
The list of violations go on and on. Board members have told people they will just out last us. To date they have spent more than $150,000 on legal fees. Can’t retain another attorney for new issues. Any suggestions?