How Many IEP Team Members Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb by Lori Miller Fox

Like for many of you, now that my son’s IEP is over I can finally breathe--even
if only to hyperventilate.

The incredible stress that often leads up to and occurs during an IEP (or Infliction
of Excruciating Pain as I’ve come to call it), can only be “outpained” by the post
traumatic stress that usually follows. There are the  insensitive comments that
linger in our hearts, the raised eyebrows that are burned into our memories, and
the skepticism that sneaks into our unguarded souls. 

Please don’t get me wrong, we have had good, affable and sometimes even surprisingly
pleasant meetings. And of course, there are also those individuals including many school people, who have made a very positive difference in our son’s future. And for those experiences and people, I am extremely grateful.

But for those negative, blind-siding, gut-wrenching meetings, I offer some humor. Because sometimes all we can do to save our sanities, is take a chill pill, maybe along with a mild sedative, and laugh. So here’s a new twist on an old favorite to help get us all through the aftermath of those difficult days. [Feel free to comment with a few of your own].

If team members were asked “How many IEP meetings does it take to change a light bulb,” this is what I imagine they might say:

Parent - “The light bulb is not the only thing that’s burnt out.”

General Education Teacher - “No one said I was going to have to teach changing light bulbs.”

Case Manager - “If you hadn’t wanted so many hours of service in that room, maybe
the light bulb wouldn’t have burned out.”

Transition Coordinator - “I think they cover that in life skills.”

Special Education Teacher -  “We don’t need a light bulb, it’s not like they’re reading
or writing.”

Special Education Director - “We’ll have to just keep changing his placement until we find a room that has a light bulb.”

Resource Teacher - “The side benefit is that we’ll have to bring them up from the
basement.”

Teaching Assistant - “We don’t really need a new light bulb, there’s enough light
coming off the television.”

School District Attorney - “The regulations don’t require light in the timeout room.”

Dean of Discipline- “Is there supposed to be a light in the time-out room?”

Assistive Technology Team - “First, we have to determine that the light bulb’s really
burnt out and then we can trial a flashlight.”

School Nurse - “I don’t know how many it will take to change the light bulb, but
all the special ed children will have to go home until we do.”

Secretary at the meeting - “O.K. then, how many minutes of light are we allotting in the IEP?”

Special Education Director - “We are willing to provide nightlights and maybe open
the door a crack; we feel this is more than educationally appropriate and all Rowley requires.”

Teacher - (Sobbing) “What do you people expect from us anyway!”

Parent - “I don’t understand why you’re being so difficult, it’s not like we’re
asking for a chandelier.”

School Psychologist - “The children are just lazy. If they really wanted to learn
they’d study by candle light like Abraham Lincoln.”

Janitorial Custodian - “I’d like to help you, but I’m not a part of the IEP team.”

Dean of Discipline - Dean of Discipline - "I'm just here to make sure we write it as 'change the light bulb.' The minute anyone uses the word, 'screw' this meeting is over."

Special Education Attorney - “The light bulb is the least important thing that needs
to be changed in that classroom.”

Comments

[jen]

I got a good laugh out of this post. Really well done! Thanks for sharing it. And, congratulations on getting through this year's IEP meeting.

[Sandy Alperstein]

The case manager: "If the child is not labeled as visually impaired, then he doesn't qualify for a light bulb accommodation."

Lori, thanks for help lightening (pun intended!) this difficult season (IEP Season, that is...)

Sandy

[Daunna Minnich]

Says Lori #1:   "Who needs a light bulb? Light bulbs are always going off in my head."

Says Lori #2:   "Who needs a light bulb? When I'm in a room full of dimwits, I just whip out my glow-in-the-dark pen and record what goes on with blinding accuracy."

Says Lori #3:  "Who needs a light bulb? Each request I make generates a 100-watt glare from the Special Ed Director."

Says Special Ed Director:  "Who needs a lightbulb? Isn't the goal to keep parents in the dark?"

(With apologies to my own special ed director, who has an amazing ability to cut through a lot of irrelevancies and shed light and clarity on a situation.)

Thanks for enlightening us once again, Lori!

[Amanda]

Any school person: We've never used light bulbs in this district!

[too much light makes baby go blind]

school social worker: The burned out bulbs are at home. They’re not happening at school.

school district attorney: Just because you provided your child with a mega flashlight for a year while we were denying you evaluation, determination and appropriate services doesn’t mean we’ll now pay for the batteries you used in that flashlight.

principal: Your student gets enough light to see fine at school. But, you keep asking for better light bulbs in his IEP meetings, so I’m calling child welfare on you because I allege that your light bulbs are burned out at home!

[Penny]

Occupational Therapist: If the parents would follow my home plan for grasping skills, we'd already be able to change lightbulbs...

Physical Therapist: Wait, doesn't changing a lightbulb require climbing a ladder? Hmmm, I don't see climbing among the PT goals, so there's no way we'll be doing that this year.

Orthotist: I can put a light-up sole and some fluorescent straps on his AFOs, would that work just as well?

[Lydia]

This was just the antidote to today's IEP meeting that I attended. Spot on, Lori!

[Jennifer P.]

Parent: I don't see why you guys are fussing so much about this...It's the same kind of light bulb we have at home.

[Jennifer P.]

Student: If the teacher lets the students change the lightbulb, do we get extra credit?

Parent bringing obvious not-lit light bulb- Huh? nothing's wrong with this light bulb- It works at home- fix it for me.

[Azlina Harun]

Oh My God! My soulmates! Where have all you people been? Thank you for the laugh. I am in need of serious help. My son's IEP is scheduled for 9/19, rescheduled from 8/22. I need advise:

What types of IEP goals to write. Please, please write to me!

My son is 16. The attorney I paid for 1 hour of consultation for said, let's talk transition. Again, help!

Azlina

[Elizabeth Maloney]

Can someone point me in the right direction? My daughter just turned three and is now being pulled into the school district for services. I had my first IEP meeting last month and it didn't go well for various reasons. One of the issues I'm still considered about is that she attends a private pre-school. The school district agreed that the private pre-school was the least restrictive environment for my daughter and agreed to send an early education teacher to the school 1x a week, however, they are insisting that I must bring her to the School District for her Occupational Therapy..i.e...I provide the transportation. This doesn't seem right to me...

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