What All the Best Advocates are Wearing by Lori Miller Fox

It’s IEP season, and rage is all the rage.

Fashionable parents will be sporting thick skin with thin-running patience. And when it comes to sun glasses, forget UV, rose-colored glasses will give you the most protection.

School personnel on the other hand, will be wearing narrow ties and narrow minds. And when it comes to their egos -- oversize seems to be in. Colors are as shocking as can be district recommendations.

Parents’ bags will be bigger, the ones under their eyes from worry, as well as the ones used to hold their supportive documents.  Shoulder bags are a definite no no, due to weakened shoulders from carrying the weight of the world around on them for years. Shoes should be sturdy enough for a good butt kicking, with a high enough heel for placing tall orders.

When it comes to not wearing your heart on your sleeve in front of the school people, sleeveless shirts are a must. And while scarves are a lovely accent, they double beautifully as handy camoflouge for those all too familiar lumps in the throat you get during school meetings. And as always, lather on the daughter- or son-screen for when things get really heated up.

Least restrictive is the key word for both eveningwear and educational environments.
Fabrics as well as thoughts should flow freely.  Jackets should be kept closed, and minds wide open.

If you’re looking for the ideal accessory, a special education attorney can so often make the perfect statement! Whether it’s inclusion, related services or a one-to-one your child needs, nothing says “I’m serious and I know what I want,” like the right special education attorney.

Jewelry should be understated, while expectations for your child can not be overstated enough. Nails should be well manicured and neatly polished, so when school staff points their fingers at you, you can return the favor with a well-bred well-groomed appearance.

While labels for clothing are important, labels for children should be even more carefully chosen. However, instructions as to the proper care of both are of paramount importance

Both hemlines and meetings are longer nowadays. So keep your hair down and your guard up. And remember both diamonds and special education attorneys are a girl’s best friend.

Comments

[Sandy Alperstein]

I just loved this! Very clever! Thanks for the laughs on a Monday morning!

[Daunna Minnich]

Oo-la-la!  Très chic!  Merci. Your fashion advice is inspiring, Lori.

In the spirit of understated jewelry, I have decided I will trade in my faux pearls for a faux smile, which I will paste on my face for the grand reunion of the IEP team. Shall I wear blood-red lipstick, or would that be too overstated?

Indeed, bigger bags are a practical fashion must. In my bag will be an earth-tone plastic garbage bag, with the bottom edge slit open so that I can slip it on quickly when the mud-slinging comes my way. I prefer the kind with a drawstring, which can do double-duty as a floppy bow at the neckline. If I'm in a particularly good mood, I might bring extras for the other team members, and naturally, I will help them pull their drawstrings tight...

Alas!  I wish I could afford the luxury of a special education attorney as an accessory to make the perfect statement. Instead, I will have to make my own statement, which I will do nonverbally, by means of a little color-coordinated spittoon.

Diatribe aside, I have to say most of the folks at my IEPs are nice people who come as spectators and not mudslingers.  Usually it is the intractable junior gatekeepers, with general but limited knowledge of disability, resources, and the law, who make me want to remove the darts from my clothing and fling them across the table.